ok, so at what point do you say enough is enough?
i feel like i’ve reached that a million times over and fall right back into the same ‘ol same ‘ol a week later.
my mind gets busy late at night with thoughts i wish i could shut off but can’t. so now i’m finally back to this blog as an outlet to pour my thoughts in but here’s a secret i’m seriously afraid of being judged for what i put here.
example.. i needed help to get my site back together after being hacked countless times and calling godaddy Â tech support to fix this shit was totally necessary. to do that someone actually had to LOOK at my site. as the guy read off my about me, maybe to make conversation.. can i just tell you how i cringed and felt like a crab wanting to hide inside a shell except there was NO FUCKING SHELL?!
that is the fear i’m trying so desperately to get away from. it’s been my go to comfort of self sabotaging, self limiting behavior that has kept me where i am now for years.
so much so that my anxiety and depression has hit highs that have snowballed beyond control.
as i hit the publish button on this post, i’m hoping that the fear will go away and each time post it’ll hopefully get easier. the reality is i need to change, i must because if i don’t i’ll stay a slave to my own negative mind.